“I need help. I don’t know anyone who can help me. I’ll have to work through this on my own. I can’t! I’ve tried. I need help.”
I was stuck. I felt hopeless and very, very alone in this daily cycle of thoughts. I didn’t talk about my struggles with friends; I was too afraid of what they would think of me if I did. In a moment of desperation, I took the only step I had the courage for: I created a non-descript e-mail account and e-mailed my pastor anonymously, asking for advice. She referred me to Journey Canada, where I connected with a staff member who recommended I attend the Journey Discipleship Course.
I had grown up going to church, but I didn’t understand that struggles and secrets were something to bring to Jesus, not hide from Him. Journey was the safe place for me to begin to open up to God and other people. By doing that, I began the process of breaking through negative cycles of thinking and hiding.
That anonymous e-mail account was the first step I took over seven years ago to open up and be known. Since then, I continue to be connected to Journey Canada and meet regularly with safe people in order to grow in my relationships with them and Jesus. Sometimes embarrassment kicks in and I want to hide my struggles, but I can’t go back to the way things were.
I know what freedom feels like.