For so many years my life has been marked by shame and isolation. Right from my early teens, I knew that I was different from other guys, and that this difference was something to be ashamed of and to hide. So this was how I lived my life – in hiddenness and shame. The church had been clear that I was especially sinful due to my homosexuality, so I never felt that I fit in there, but I also wanted to stay close to Jesus and to His plans for me. This included my commitment to the belief that sex is reserved for marriage between a man and a woman. This was why, in spite of my orientation, I eventually decided to get married and have children.
Eventually the conflict between my desires and my beliefs began to bubble over in destructive ways. I became a compulsive user of alcohol, drugs and pornography. I realized that I needed help but I didn’t think I could trust the church or the people who were telling me that I needed to pursue gay sex in order to live authentically. I needed people who understood what I was going through and would help me live the life I knew I was created for. That’s where Journey Canada came in.
At Journey, I met other people who were trying to understand their lives in light of their relationship with Jesus. It was a safe place where talked together, prayed together, and supported one another. I knew that I could share anything with the people around me and be sure of acceptance and support. At Journey, no one told me that I needed to change, or told me there were steps to follow to get fixed – they just pointed me to Jesus and allowed me the space to find my own way.
As a result of my time at Journey, I have found a peace and joy in my relationship with Jesus that was not there before. I have learned how to be happy with my marriage and my family, and although I am still gay, I have an ability to walk a different path in light of my commitments to following Jesus and pursuing His plans for me.